Ohkay. Bombay attacks.
1. I lived in Bombay. For a year and a half. Went to school there. I have friends and family there. I know a girl that is 10 minutes away from the Taj.
2. Supposedly they targeted Westerners. Specifically British/American. My brother was born in London. I lived there too. I'm living in America. Have been for 6 years.
Conclusion: I'm scared to death. Not for myself specifically. Just a bit. But more for what this world is coming to.
Yes, I know there's been terrorism for a while. Hasn't hit me so hard till now.
A friend and I had a convo over this.
Ayesha: I M REALLLLLLYYYY SORRY
Anusha: ? Sorry for what?
Ayesha: for all this...i mean
Anusha: Why would you be sorry?
Ayesha: this is just
Anusha: It wasn't your fault.
Ayesha: yea...but still i mean..i can feel the grief..the sorrow
------Cut to another part of convo-------
Ayesha: i mean..if thier main target were british/ american
Anusha: Ya, that's kinda scary. The fact that there's so much hate and it's on race.
Ayesha: then y the innocent ppl were thiere to suffer
Anusha: *tilts head* Why were the ones who weren't either British or American the ones to suffer? Is that what you're asking?
Ayesha: yea..
Anusha: I don't think they were. They just got caught up. I mean, I do feel soo sorry for them. But, I think it would be scarier to know the hate is targeted at you. And going further on that, to be hated simply because of your citizenship.....One sec. If we are indian....but have American citizenship...does that mean....? Oh god.
Ayesha: i dont think its on citizenship. i really hope its not
Anusha: I know, but even if it's thru being from a certain country....I mean, it's the leaders that make the decisions...do you need to punish a whole country for the leaders' mistakes? Then of course you think about how normally it's the country that puts the leaders up there.....
Ayesha: yea...thats just..NOT FAIR
Anusha: But then again, life isn't fair. But why do people have to make it less fair?
Thoughts on this convo? In comments, please.
-----Continuation-----
Anyways. My thoughts on Terrorism.
It exists. And I want to smash it against the wall till it doesn't. But that isn't going to get rid of it. Perhaps because the essentials for terrorism are in all of us. Only some choose to act upon them.
They say the group claiming responsibility is the Deccan Mujahideen.
Some places say that one of the terrorists called the news, and said that the reason this was being done was religion.
My thoughts on that? Religion is a personal thing. And therefore it should not be forced upon others. It is not your job to go and enlighten people on the sayings of God or whatever. If God wants them to be enlightened, he can do it himself.
And gah. I don't think I can write anymore atm.
Deep thoughts come and go like the tide for me. And it's low tide.
Baibiez!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Lack
Lack, or the existence of it.
I got a giant lecture today. Once again, all true.
I'm fat. Yes, I'm gaining weight....
I don't exercise, enough. True.
Gah, I know I'm horrible. In so many ways.
Fine. I'll fix it.
I'll actually stop slacking off, and acting a lot dumber than I am.
Phase one: Face the fact that changes need to be made.
Completed.
Phase Two: Make changes.
In Progress.
I got a giant lecture today. Once again, all true.
I'm fat. Yes, I'm gaining weight....
I don't exercise, enough. True.
Gah, I know I'm horrible. In so many ways.
Fine. I'll fix it.
I'll actually stop slacking off, and acting a lot dumber than I am.
Phase one: Face the fact that changes need to be made.
Completed.
Phase Two: Make changes.
In Progress.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Ramblings of a Philosophical Puppen
If you know me in person, don't read this.
Not at all.
Capiche?
No read.
I'm not running for attention, and I really don't want to feel that way, so if....you know me in person, don't read any further than this line.
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And just checking to make sure....
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..aerrrrrrrwerwerawerwerwerawdwa
.werawerawerawera
.waeraewdagta4t
a.eraweraerawer.ae
r
a.r
awe'raweraweraewrawer
I.thought.about.suicide.seriously.for
the.first.time.today.
awerw.e arkjewr. akjerl. raewrjawe. laekr
ooainc.woaoowe. wdiad. aowelove...akejraoewirj
--------------------------
I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I am. I actually listed out as many ways as I could think of while in class, a complete and utter contrast to the the actually quite hilarious story we were being told. I'm turning exactly like people thought I was turning out to be when my clothes slowly started changing and stuff.
I think of Spring Nicht, and it doesn't have an effect. Does that mean I'm no longer obsessed over them in reality? That I'm just holding on for the pure sake of telling people that I do actually have something I care about a lot? Something that does define me? Just a bit? I don't know. I don't know if I want to know. There was a certain form in that counseling paperwork. That if you ever plan to do this, you will talk to somebody. I haven't signed it yet. I don't know if I ever will. I laughed when I passed that form in the packet..as if I would ever. Who ever knew that only a few days later I would be at this. And what would be accomplished if I did it? Would I do the same to others, that a friend nearly did to me? Thank god she didn't.....but....if I don't stop...what will be done to others? Morever, do I care about that? Gah, life is confusing, but at the moment, it's either this, retreat further into my comforting and safe shell, or finally unfold and face the horribilites of the world. No more neutrality.
Not at all.
Capiche?
No read.
I'm not running for attention, and I really don't want to feel that way, so if....you know me in person, don't read any further than this line.
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And just checking to make sure....
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..aerrrrrrrwerwerawerwerwerawdwa
.werawerawerawera
.waeraewdagta4t
a.eraweraerawer.ae
r
a.r
awe'raweraweraewrawer
I.thought.about.suicide.seriously.for
the.first.time.today.
awerw.e arkjewr. akjerl. raewrjawe. laekr
ooainc.woaoowe. wdiad. aowelove...akejraoewirj
--------------------------
I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I am. I actually listed out as many ways as I could think of while in class, a complete and utter contrast to the the actually quite hilarious story we were being told. I'm turning exactly like people thought I was turning out to be when my clothes slowly started changing and stuff.
I think of Spring Nicht, and it doesn't have an effect. Does that mean I'm no longer obsessed over them in reality? That I'm just holding on for the pure sake of telling people that I do actually have something I care about a lot? Something that does define me? Just a bit? I don't know. I don't know if I want to know. There was a certain form in that counseling paperwork. That if you ever plan to do this, you will talk to somebody. I haven't signed it yet. I don't know if I ever will. I laughed when I passed that form in the packet..as if I would ever. Who ever knew that only a few days later I would be at this. And what would be accomplished if I did it? Would I do the same to others, that a friend nearly did to me? Thank god she didn't.....but....if I don't stop...what will be done to others? Morever, do I care about that? Gah, life is confusing, but at the moment, it's either this, retreat further into my comforting and safe shell, or finally unfold and face the horribilites of the world. No more neutrality.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Don't Dance Me To The End
A little poem, I found.
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This poem, the imagery, and everything....just made me look and go....wow.
I love dance. And both of the poems describe everything so well.
*sighs in contenment*
I had caffeine. Oops. Though it actually sames to make me calmer.....I'm not falling asleep any time soon...
Don’t dance me to the end of love, but dance
me to the place where it resumes as if beginning
anew, each time, with nothing left to chance
except the penalties that come from sinning.
Like Babylonians let me feel you moving,
but let us not, before we go to bed,
recall Egyptians with their books approving
the afterlife they dream up for the dead.
While we are dancing, let’s think only of
the here and now, and so together burn
with passion for the life and after-love
that follows us when on one bed we turn,
but when in bed, recalling Babylon
whose waters both our ancestors once drank,
let us remember times that, though bygone,
from memories of lovetimes never shrank.
Inspired by Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Mee to the End of Love”:Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
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This poem, the imagery, and everything....just made me look and go....wow.
I love dance. And both of the poems describe everything so well.
*sighs in contenment*
I had caffeine. Oops. Though it actually sames to make me calmer.....I'm not falling asleep any time soon...
NABLOPOMO!
Ohkay, so today I found it's National Blog Month.
So here are the links to me frantically catching up on another blog. Do ignore the fact that it's a TH forum. No relation to the blogging. Least not these posts. :D
Days 1-12
http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=878
Day 13
http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=879
Day 14 coming up soon. Let me do it. :D
Oh, and try this afterwards:
www.googlism.com. Gotten some pretty funny things.
So here are the links to me frantically catching up on another blog. Do ignore the fact that it's a TH forum. No relation to the blogging. Least not these posts. :D
Days 1-12
http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=878
Day 13
http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=879
Day 14 coming up soon. Let me do it. :D
Oh, and try this afterwards:
www.googlism.com. Gotten some pretty funny things.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Drift
I got a lecture today.
I'm sad to say all of it was entirely true.
I'm also sad to say...that I don't know how long the momentary change will last.
And what I find worse, is that I see all of these things as inevitable.
Do I have no motivation at all?
It's true. Maybe I don't.
It's true, that I slack off a lot these days. That I spend more time playing around then focusing. If I ever focus....rather, I cram.
It's true I can't continue living this way.
It's true that my parents are not culprits or anything and they truly are trying to help me succeed.
It's true that 10 years from now, when I'm applying for a job.....they will look at my grades, and not at my face.
It's true that I have no goals, and that that is making me drift.....because I have nothing to anchor me down.
It's true that I'm not motivated...and unfocused, and therefore, don't have anything to discipline myself by.
It's true. It's all true.
It's also true that I don't know how to fix it, or if I do, I don't want to. Or don't think I can.
Does that mean it's also true that I have no faith in myself?
Yes. It's true.
It's true that in another hour, maybe less, I will give up...and go back to lazy me.
It's true that I love the feeling of being organized, perhaps because I encounter it so rarely....and that I don't actually work for it most of the time.
It's true that I'm failing myself.
It's true that I'm not trying to succeed.
It's all true.
It's also true that by tmrw, I'm not going to care.
It's true that not caring is just as well as denying myself the chance to succeed.
It's true that if I truly wanted to, I could fly thru these courses.
It's all true.
......But it's also true....that no matter how much I tell myself otherwise, I will still believe that I cannot change deep down inside.....and so I won't.
I'm sad to say all of it was entirely true.
I'm also sad to say...that I don't know how long the momentary change will last.
And what I find worse, is that I see all of these things as inevitable.
Do I have no motivation at all?
It's true. Maybe I don't.
It's true, that I slack off a lot these days. That I spend more time playing around then focusing. If I ever focus....rather, I cram.
It's true I can't continue living this way.
It's true that my parents are not culprits or anything and they truly are trying to help me succeed.
It's true that 10 years from now, when I'm applying for a job.....they will look at my grades, and not at my face.
It's true that I have no goals, and that that is making me drift.....because I have nothing to anchor me down.
It's true that I'm not motivated...and unfocused, and therefore, don't have anything to discipline myself by.
It's true. It's all true.
It's also true that I don't know how to fix it, or if I do, I don't want to. Or don't think I can.
Does that mean it's also true that I have no faith in myself?
Yes. It's true.
It's true that in another hour, maybe less, I will give up...and go back to lazy me.
It's true that I love the feeling of being organized, perhaps because I encounter it so rarely....and that I don't actually work for it most of the time.
It's true that I'm failing myself.
It's true that I'm not trying to succeed.
It's all true.
It's also true that by tmrw, I'm not going to care.
It's true that not caring is just as well as denying myself the chance to succeed.
It's true that if I truly wanted to, I could fly thru these courses.
It's all true.
......But it's also true....that no matter how much I tell myself otherwise, I will still believe that I cannot change deep down inside.....and so I won't.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Perfection
It exists.
I don't know if everyone can find it or what, but it exists. I don't know how to define it but you can feel it when everything in the world feels right, like right now. Perhaps it's coming to terms with yourself and all, and then you feel like the world is perfect. At least in your little sphere. It isn't true. But the delusion is amazing.
*is making no sense*
But I have an excuse, I'm eating mnm's, just ate a deformed one actually, listening to Love Story for the 35th or so time in a row (it's on repeat), it's 1:35, I decided to try to put together every TH pic I can get my grasping paws on into chronological order and it's going to take me forever, I'm talking to someone I've never met in person about paper cranes, and I got my laptop unchained from the table. Life may not be everything I wish it was, but for now, it's good enough. *dances*
I think it's time for me to burst out into my happy, bubbly self now. *sticks out a tongue at last two paragraphs in Defect post*
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I love love love love love love love love love love love love love.
And I like not crushing on anybody. Makes life so much simpler. *wondering why she didn't realize this earlier*.
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And now, because I'm listening to Love Story, we talk about Juliet. And Romeo.
No one kills themselves over love these days. How sad. Ruthlessly practical, we are becoming. Sad, sad, sad.
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I love my white coat. And sales. I also really want to get my hair cut. It's bugging me. And it needs a wash. *glares at hair*
*hummingbird clapping* I rhymed! Yayz!
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Dessert, mm. Swiss Roll and Apple Pie. I want more. It was yummiful.
There's a giant Swiss Roll in the fridge.
I can't eat it, sadly though.
It's for tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------
Last night, I went for an impromptu sleepover. One of my very very very good friends decided to drag me home from the indian gathering thing we were at.....
We fell asleep, rather, I fell asleep after only talking for about half an hour.
She's very cuddly. *likes her living teddy bear*
----------------------------------------------
One of my late night activities involves browsing indian wedding lenghas. *hides* I'm not shopping early or anything. Just admiring. *coughtotallynotimagingselfinthemcough*
Looky!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b001.jpg
Gorgeous. I want. Badly. And I love this cut. And the colors. Hey! If I can order it. I shall wear it in December. Christmas and all, you know? But ahhhhh. I waaaaaaaant. *whines*
*stares at price* Only 700 bucks....without shipping? *blink blink* Guess not this year, then. *sigh*
More!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b002.jpg
Weird. Pixelation got messed up. More!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b034.jpg
Call me a slut, or w/e. But I would love to wear this dress and carry it off. *looks at paleish skin* Not happening, sadly. But gah, me drool.
I don't know if everyone can find it or what, but it exists. I don't know how to define it but you can feel it when everything in the world feels right, like right now. Perhaps it's coming to terms with yourself and all, and then you feel like the world is perfect. At least in your little sphere. It isn't true. But the delusion is amazing.
*is making no sense*
But I have an excuse, I'm eating mnm's, just ate a deformed one actually, listening to Love Story for the 35th or so time in a row (it's on repeat), it's 1:35, I decided to try to put together every TH pic I can get my grasping paws on into chronological order and it's going to take me forever, I'm talking to someone I've never met in person about paper cranes, and I got my laptop unchained from the table. Life may not be everything I wish it was, but for now, it's good enough. *dances*
I think it's time for me to burst out into my happy, bubbly self now. *sticks out a tongue at last two paragraphs in Defect post*
-------------------------------------------------
I love love love love love love love love love love love love love.
And I like not crushing on anybody. Makes life so much simpler. *wondering why she didn't realize this earlier*.
-------------------------------------------------
And now, because I'm listening to Love Story, we talk about Juliet. And Romeo.
No one kills themselves over love these days. How sad. Ruthlessly practical, we are becoming. Sad, sad, sad.
------------------------------------------------
I love my white coat. And sales. I also really want to get my hair cut. It's bugging me. And it needs a wash. *glares at hair*
*hummingbird clapping* I rhymed! Yayz!
-----------------------------------------------
Dessert, mm. Swiss Roll and Apple Pie. I want more. It was yummiful.
There's a giant Swiss Roll in the fridge.
I can't eat it, sadly though.
It's for tomorrow.
----------------------------------------------
Last night, I went for an impromptu sleepover. One of my very very very good friends decided to drag me home from the indian gathering thing we were at.....
We fell asleep, rather, I fell asleep after only talking for about half an hour.
She's very cuddly. *likes her living teddy bear*
----------------------------------------------
One of my late night activities involves browsing indian wedding lenghas. *hides* I'm not shopping early or anything. Just admiring. *coughtotallynotimagingselfinthemcough*
Looky!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b001.jpg
Gorgeous. I want. Badly. And I love this cut. And the colors. Hey! If I can order it. I shall wear it in December. Christmas and all, you know? But ahhhhh. I waaaaaaaant. *whines*
*stares at price* Only 700 bucks....without shipping? *blink blink* Guess not this year, then. *sigh*
More!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b002.jpg
Weird. Pixelation got messed up. More!
http://www.theheer.com/images/b034.jpg
Call me a slut, or w/e. But I would love to wear this dress and carry it off. *looks at paleish skin* Not happening, sadly. But gah, me drool.
http://www.homeindia.com/Lehnga.aspx?PrdVarCode=GHSURP1501&Ctg2Id=134&Ctg3Id=1030
God. This one is sooo heavy, but wow. Me like.
On the other hand, here is an example of what I hate, overdone tackiness:
http://www.homeindia.com/Lehnga.aspx?PrdVarCode=GHSURP1518&Ctg2Id=134&Ctg3Id=1030
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*yawn* Love story is making me sleepy now. And yes, I have been listening to it for nearly 5 hours straight now.
*pausing to cough* Ouch. My throat hurts. No idea why, but it's been like this the whole day. I can't be sick! *panicks*
Meh. Going to go find lozenges and click post. Luffoo all, even if I don't know you, but w/e. Hehe.
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