Elated

I signed onto THA today, and found a PM by someone.

This girl had randomly decided to dive in and read my entire blog on a whim.

After she finished, she PMed me, telling me I was an incredible spirit. And that inside, I'm a writer.

I have never felt so....elated before. It's unreal. I know now what the band probably feels like when they see so many fans all gathered there for them. Unexpected and unasked for praise is my favorite.

And the girl who sent me the message....is an amazing writer. Which made it extra special. Hee.

I actually went and looked at my blog after I saw the message. And read the whole thing through. To this point, I have not seen what she did. But knowing it helped, makes me feel...fuzzy inside.

Quoted message that she sent to me underneath (She is talking about my blog on THA):

Rani,

I just finished reading your entire blog. I just dove into it. Just like that—on a whim. Which was risky business, seeing as how I can’t swim. I don’t even know what to say. I just know that I have to say something.

You made me laugh out loud. And you made me cry.

You are an incredible life. An incredible spirit. Your mind functions like the characters’ in the novels that I read. It’s mindboggling. You are elusive and tangible in the same sentence.

This probably sounds utterly bizarre, but it is simply beyond my power to walk away from your blog without commemorating your presence in a world where freedom of expression is so often deafened by the thick pulse of fear.

You, my dear, are a writer. An artist. Regarding your writing style, in my opinion, you have achieved, at fourteen years, what some do not achieve in a life time. I wish I could convey to you how good you are. How clearly you see things, people. How beautifully you have sculpted a living, breathing you using only the raw words at your fingertips.

I want you to forget what I’m writing here, because, as you’ve noted, pride corrupts a person. But just for a moment. One moment. Know that you are being heard. And know that it is a stunning ballad. I am so thrilled to have met you on THA.

And if no one else is available, rest assured that I will always have my fingers wrapped around the frayed rope of that hot air balloon.

Love always,

*edited for privacy*

So gratifying. So beautifully written.

And yet, I still cannot grasp exactly what she found. But I'm glad she found something.

As for that second to last paragraph. The one about pride. I hope this will be the last that I speak of that message. For it would be terrible if I gave into exactly what she thinks I'm strong enough to withstand.

Especially the last paragraph. I'd forgotten about that phrase. Knowing someone holds that frayed rope....makes life feel so much more...familiar, as in, I know I will not lose myself. I have an anchor. And I am someone else's. Those will keep me here.

And with that I am off to blog yet again, in the hopes it clears things up for someone else.

I'm pissed off.

I shouldn't be. It's not that big a deal.

But, if there's one thing I loathe, it's people enroaching on my territory.

Now my territory, and how sensitive I am about it depends on a ton of factors. And most of the time, I'm the only one who sees it as my territory....and most people don't see any type of territorial stake at all.

....

..

.

I'm pissed off.

I don't like losing, either. Especially, when I'm off being religious while the end of the contest goes on. Add to that, the contest was something I identify myself as. It's my fucking name....
I'm pissed off.

And now I'm being told after being nice, sucking it up, moving on, that pft, I should just give up on what I tried...and go with what I'm being told to by the one who won?

....
...
..
.

I'm pissed off.

Move out of the way, bitch.

Played nice for long enough. Time to face how much I don't like you.

I'm pissed off.

But am I just jealous?

Dance Like Nobody's Watching....Though They Always Are

I've been getting an obsession for the emotion dance potrays lately. Just the way you can release so much while dancing, how people can relate to you when they see you dance, the sheer scope, everything. Music, dance, emotion. It goes around like a carousel. Interconnected, you know?

There's so many different types, salsa, tango, ballet, bharat natyam, contemporary, hip hop, need I go on? Yet they all strive to connect to the music, to those who watch, and especially to the one who dances. Some are for fun, some send out a message, some depict and add to something else....but dance, in that movement is meaningful, is amazing. Dance is music in motion. Music for the sight....

Little repetitive ode to dance, sorry.

Anywayz, happy last day of 2008 to those who are already at December 31st.

Can you believe 2008 is already over?

Warm and Fuzzy

What makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside? As if everything is so perfect that you want to freeze the moment and keep the feeling forever? When you pay special attention to everything, just so you can dig the memory out later and relive it in your mind?

What gives you joy?

HOLY.

Help.

I think I officially just died.

And I don't care if I sound exactly like what I am. Complete and utter fangirl.
Who just got killed by a picture.

So....Bill's new tattoo has been a mystery....since that girl glimpsed it for a few seconds at a concert...and since he was asked about it...and said that he did actually have a new one, it had taken four hours to do, it was huge...and that no, he wasn't going to show it, because he'd have to take all his clothes off to do so. Yes, I know that was a run-on sentence, but my grammar is failing me here at the moment.

Anyways, I love Dezz.

She was nice enough to save the pic....and decipher what it meant for me.

I present to you, the pic. Skinny has never looked so good, to quote a friend of mine. Oh, and all the pics in this are clickable. They get BIG.



And gah, you can't read that properly.....

But it says:

Wir hören nie auf zu schreien -Wir kehren zum Ursprung zurück.

The wiggly part is the wir kehren zum....

And it means, according to Dezz:

something along the lines of 'we'll never stop screaming. We're going back to our roots'

Anyways. I have mixed feeling about it. It's gorgeous. Meaningful, yet again. But I wasn't expecting anything else from Bill. But...he's gotten one every single year...since the first one on his neck. And they've progressively grown larger.

See below, in order, the other three tattoos. His hair progressively also changes, not that you can tell in all of these. :P

Neck tattoo
Originally uploaded by tuckle

This one above is the TH logo. Supposedly, as soon as the logo was made, he went and got his first tattoo as the logo. This was before the band released their first single and became all successful, so he was taking a risk...even if they died utterly, he was showing how much he believed in their band and how much it meant to him.

Luckily, they succeeded in becoming big. And so that tattoo holds a ton of important memories.

bill star nancy
Originally uploaded by tuckle

No idea about the meaning behind the star. I don't think I ever found out. *hides* I'm a bad fan.

Bill
Originally uploaded by tuckle

This last one says freheit 89, btw. Which means freedom 89. The story behind this one, is that Bill got this for his 18th birthday...and the freedom that comes with that age is what he's referring to. 89 was his birth year. *nods*

So yes, fourth tattoo now...and I'm kinda scared he's going to keep on going. I love his tattoos...but it's hard to get used to the idea of that fourth one...and well. Perhaps I think he's going to overdo it if he does get more? Like, more small ones, ya, all good. But bigger? *shakes head* Please, bb. Stop now?
And I'm not entirely sure I like this one either. It's...invasive. Kind of. But he wanted something big. So I guess I'll get used to it eventually. And accept it. Won't necessarily adore it though. I wonder what the story behind it is? I mean it's not like he...revealed this one on purpose...so there is no background to it. And it's kinda invading his privacy. *hides*

Now I feel guilty. Meh.

Terrorism

Ohkay. Bombay attacks.

1. I lived in Bombay. For a year and a half. Went to school there. I have friends and family there. I know a girl that is 10 minutes away from the Taj.
2. Supposedly they targeted Westerners. Specifically British/American. My brother was born in London. I lived there too. I'm living in America. Have been for 6 years.

Conclusion: I'm scared to death. Not for myself specifically. Just a bit. But more for what this world is coming to.

Yes, I know there's been terrorism for a while. Hasn't hit me so hard till now.

A friend and I had a convo over this.

Ayesha: I M REALLLLLLYYYY SORRY
Anusha: ? Sorry for what?
Ayesha: for all this...i mean
Anusha: Why would you be sorry?
Ayesha: this is just
Anusha: It wasn't your fault.
Ayesha: yea...but still i mean..i can feel the grief..the sorrow

------Cut to another part of convo-------

Ayesha: i mean..if thier main target were british/ american
Anusha: Ya, that's kinda scary. The fact that there's so much hate and it's on race.
Ayesha: then y the innocent ppl were thiere to suffer
Anusha: *tilts head* Why were the ones who weren't either British or American the ones to suffer? Is that what you're asking?
Ayesha: yea..
Anusha: I don't think they were. They just got caught up. I mean, I do feel soo sorry for them. But, I think it would be scarier to know the hate is targeted at you. And going further on that, to be hated simply because of your citizenship.....One sec. If we are indian....but have American citizenship...does that mean....? Oh god.
Ayesha: i dont think its on citizenship. i really hope its not
Anusha: I know, but even if it's thru being from a certain country....I mean, it's the leaders that make the decisions...do you need to punish a whole country for the leaders' mistakes? Then of course you think about how normally it's the country that puts the leaders up there.....
Ayesha: yea...thats just..NOT FAIR
Anusha: But then again, life isn't fair. But why do people have to make it less fair?

Thoughts on this convo? In comments, please.

-----Continuation-----

Anyways. My thoughts on Terrorism.

It exists. And I want to smash it against the wall till it doesn't. But that isn't going to get rid of it. Perhaps because the essentials for terrorism are in all of us. Only some choose to act upon them.
They say the group claiming responsibility is the Deccan Mujahideen.
Some places say that one of the terrorists called the news, and said that the reason this was being done was religion.

My thoughts on that? Religion is a personal thing. And therefore it should not be forced upon others. It is not your job to go and enlighten people on the sayings of God or whatever. If God wants them to be enlightened, he can do it himself.

And gah. I don't think I can write anymore atm.

Deep thoughts come and go like the tide for me. And it's low tide.

Baibiez!

Lack

Lack, or the existence of it.

I got a giant lecture today. Once again, all true.

I'm fat. Yes, I'm gaining weight....
I don't exercise, enough. True.
Gah, I know I'm horrible. In so many ways.

Fine. I'll fix it.

I'll actually stop slacking off, and acting a lot dumber than I am.

Phase one: Face the fact that changes need to be made.

Completed.

Phase Two: Make changes.

In Progress.