Ramblings of a Philosophical Puppen

If you know me in person, don't read this.

Not at all.

Capiche?

No read.

I'm not running for attention, and I really don't want to feel that way, so if....you know me in person, don't read any further than this line.

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And just checking to make sure....

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..aerrrrrrrwerwerawerwerwerawdwa
.werawerawerawera
.waeraewdagta4t
a.eraweraerawer.ae
r
a.r
awe'raweraweraewrawer
I.thought.about.suicide.seriously.for
the.first.time.today.
awerw.e arkjewr. akjerl. raewrjawe. laekr
ooainc.woaoowe. wdiad. aowelove...akejraoewirj

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I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I am. I actually listed out as many ways as I could think of while in class, a complete and utter contrast to the the actually quite hilarious story we were being told. I'm turning exactly like people thought I was turning out to be when my clothes slowly started changing and stuff.
I think of Spring Nicht, and it doesn't have an effect. Does that mean I'm no longer obsessed over them in reality? That I'm just holding on for the pure sake of telling people that I do actually have something I care about a lot? Something that does define me? Just a bit? I don't know. I don't know if I want to know. There was a certain form in that counseling paperwork. That if you ever plan to do this, you will talk to somebody. I haven't signed it yet. I don't know if I ever will. I laughed when I passed that form in the packet..as if I would ever. Who ever knew that only a few days later I would be at this. And what would be accomplished if I did it? Would I do the same to others, that a friend nearly did to me? Thank god she didn't.....but....if I don't stop...what will be done to others? Morever, do I care about that? Gah, life is confusing, but at the moment, it's either this, retreat further into my comforting and safe shell, or finally unfold and face the horribilites of the world. No more neutrality.