Dance Like Nobody's Watching....Though They Always Are

I've been getting an obsession for the emotion dance potrays lately. Just the way you can release so much while dancing, how people can relate to you when they see you dance, the sheer scope, everything. Music, dance, emotion. It goes around like a carousel. Interconnected, you know?

There's so many different types, salsa, tango, ballet, bharat natyam, contemporary, hip hop, need I go on? Yet they all strive to connect to the music, to those who watch, and especially to the one who dances. Some are for fun, some send out a message, some depict and add to something else....but dance, in that movement is meaningful, is amazing. Dance is music in motion. Music for the sight....

Little repetitive ode to dance, sorry.

Anywayz, happy last day of 2008 to those who are already at December 31st.

Can you believe 2008 is already over?

Warm and Fuzzy

What makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside? As if everything is so perfect that you want to freeze the moment and keep the feeling forever? When you pay special attention to everything, just so you can dig the memory out later and relive it in your mind?

What gives you joy?

HOLY.

Help.

I think I officially just died.

And I don't care if I sound exactly like what I am. Complete and utter fangirl.
Who just got killed by a picture.

So....Bill's new tattoo has been a mystery....since that girl glimpsed it for a few seconds at a concert...and since he was asked about it...and said that he did actually have a new one, it had taken four hours to do, it was huge...and that no, he wasn't going to show it, because he'd have to take all his clothes off to do so. Yes, I know that was a run-on sentence, but my grammar is failing me here at the moment.

Anyways, I love Dezz.

She was nice enough to save the pic....and decipher what it meant for me.

I present to you, the pic. Skinny has never looked so good, to quote a friend of mine. Oh, and all the pics in this are clickable. They get BIG.



And gah, you can't read that properly.....

But it says:

Wir hören nie auf zu schreien -Wir kehren zum Ursprung zurück.

The wiggly part is the wir kehren zum....

And it means, according to Dezz:

something along the lines of 'we'll never stop screaming. We're going back to our roots'

Anyways. I have mixed feeling about it. It's gorgeous. Meaningful, yet again. But I wasn't expecting anything else from Bill. But...he's gotten one every single year...since the first one on his neck. And they've progressively grown larger.

See below, in order, the other three tattoos. His hair progressively also changes, not that you can tell in all of these. :P

Neck tattoo
Originally uploaded by tuckle

This one above is the TH logo. Supposedly, as soon as the logo was made, he went and got his first tattoo as the logo. This was before the band released their first single and became all successful, so he was taking a risk...even if they died utterly, he was showing how much he believed in their band and how much it meant to him.

Luckily, they succeeded in becoming big. And so that tattoo holds a ton of important memories.

bill star nancy
Originally uploaded by tuckle

No idea about the meaning behind the star. I don't think I ever found out. *hides* I'm a bad fan.

Bill
Originally uploaded by tuckle

This last one says freheit 89, btw. Which means freedom 89. The story behind this one, is that Bill got this for his 18th birthday...and the freedom that comes with that age is what he's referring to. 89 was his birth year. *nods*

So yes, fourth tattoo now...and I'm kinda scared he's going to keep on going. I love his tattoos...but it's hard to get used to the idea of that fourth one...and well. Perhaps I think he's going to overdo it if he does get more? Like, more small ones, ya, all good. But bigger? *shakes head* Please, bb. Stop now?
And I'm not entirely sure I like this one either. It's...invasive. Kind of. But he wanted something big. So I guess I'll get used to it eventually. And accept it. Won't necessarily adore it though. I wonder what the story behind it is? I mean it's not like he...revealed this one on purpose...so there is no background to it. And it's kinda invading his privacy. *hides*

Now I feel guilty. Meh.

Terrorism

Ohkay. Bombay attacks.

1. I lived in Bombay. For a year and a half. Went to school there. I have friends and family there. I know a girl that is 10 minutes away from the Taj.
2. Supposedly they targeted Westerners. Specifically British/American. My brother was born in London. I lived there too. I'm living in America. Have been for 6 years.

Conclusion: I'm scared to death. Not for myself specifically. Just a bit. But more for what this world is coming to.

Yes, I know there's been terrorism for a while. Hasn't hit me so hard till now.

A friend and I had a convo over this.

Ayesha: I M REALLLLLLYYYY SORRY
Anusha: ? Sorry for what?
Ayesha: for all this...i mean
Anusha: Why would you be sorry?
Ayesha: this is just
Anusha: It wasn't your fault.
Ayesha: yea...but still i mean..i can feel the grief..the sorrow

------Cut to another part of convo-------

Ayesha: i mean..if thier main target were british/ american
Anusha: Ya, that's kinda scary. The fact that there's so much hate and it's on race.
Ayesha: then y the innocent ppl were thiere to suffer
Anusha: *tilts head* Why were the ones who weren't either British or American the ones to suffer? Is that what you're asking?
Ayesha: yea..
Anusha: I don't think they were. They just got caught up. I mean, I do feel soo sorry for them. But, I think it would be scarier to know the hate is targeted at you. And going further on that, to be hated simply because of your citizenship.....One sec. If we are indian....but have American citizenship...does that mean....? Oh god.
Ayesha: i dont think its on citizenship. i really hope its not
Anusha: I know, but even if it's thru being from a certain country....I mean, it's the leaders that make the decisions...do you need to punish a whole country for the leaders' mistakes? Then of course you think about how normally it's the country that puts the leaders up there.....
Ayesha: yea...thats just..NOT FAIR
Anusha: But then again, life isn't fair. But why do people have to make it less fair?

Thoughts on this convo? In comments, please.

-----Continuation-----

Anyways. My thoughts on Terrorism.

It exists. And I want to smash it against the wall till it doesn't. But that isn't going to get rid of it. Perhaps because the essentials for terrorism are in all of us. Only some choose to act upon them.
They say the group claiming responsibility is the Deccan Mujahideen.
Some places say that one of the terrorists called the news, and said that the reason this was being done was religion.

My thoughts on that? Religion is a personal thing. And therefore it should not be forced upon others. It is not your job to go and enlighten people on the sayings of God or whatever. If God wants them to be enlightened, he can do it himself.

And gah. I don't think I can write anymore atm.

Deep thoughts come and go like the tide for me. And it's low tide.

Baibiez!

Lack

Lack, or the existence of it.

I got a giant lecture today. Once again, all true.

I'm fat. Yes, I'm gaining weight....
I don't exercise, enough. True.
Gah, I know I'm horrible. In so many ways.

Fine. I'll fix it.

I'll actually stop slacking off, and acting a lot dumber than I am.

Phase one: Face the fact that changes need to be made.

Completed.

Phase Two: Make changes.

In Progress.

Ramblings of a Philosophical Puppen

If you know me in person, don't read this.

Not at all.

Capiche?

No read.

I'm not running for attention, and I really don't want to feel that way, so if....you know me in person, don't read any further than this line.

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And just checking to make sure....

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..aerrrrrrrwerwerawerwerwerawdwa
.werawerawerawera
.waeraewdagta4t
a.eraweraerawer.ae
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a.r
awe'raweraweraewrawer
I.thought.about.suicide.seriously.for
the.first.time.today.
awerw.e arkjewr. akjerl. raewrjawe. laekr
ooainc.woaoowe. wdiad. aowelove...akejraoewirj

--------------------------

I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I am. I actually listed out as many ways as I could think of while in class, a complete and utter contrast to the the actually quite hilarious story we were being told. I'm turning exactly like people thought I was turning out to be when my clothes slowly started changing and stuff.
I think of Spring Nicht, and it doesn't have an effect. Does that mean I'm no longer obsessed over them in reality? That I'm just holding on for the pure sake of telling people that I do actually have something I care about a lot? Something that does define me? Just a bit? I don't know. I don't know if I want to know. There was a certain form in that counseling paperwork. That if you ever plan to do this, you will talk to somebody. I haven't signed it yet. I don't know if I ever will. I laughed when I passed that form in the packet..as if I would ever. Who ever knew that only a few days later I would be at this. And what would be accomplished if I did it? Would I do the same to others, that a friend nearly did to me? Thank god she didn't.....but....if I don't stop...what will be done to others? Morever, do I care about that? Gah, life is confusing, but at the moment, it's either this, retreat further into my comforting and safe shell, or finally unfold and face the horribilites of the world. No more neutrality.

Don't Dance Me To The End

A little poem, I found.

Don’t dance me to the end of love, but dance
me to the place where it resumes as if beginning
anew, each time, with nothing left to chance
except the penalties that come from sinning.
Like Babylonians let me feel you moving,
but let us not, before we go to bed,
recall Egyptians with their books approving
the afterlife they dream up for the dead.

While we are dancing, let’s think only of
the here and now, and so together burn
with passion for the life and after-love
that follows us when on one bed we turn,
but when in bed, recalling Babylon
whose waters both our ancestors once drank,
let us remember times that, though bygone,
from memories of lovetimes never shrank.

Inspired by Leonard Cohen’s “Dance Mee to the End of Love”:

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

-----------------------------------------------------

This poem, the imagery, and everything....just made me look and go....wow.

I love dance. And both of the poems describe everything so well.

*sighs in contenment*

I had caffeine. Oops. Though it actually sames to make me calmer.....I'm not falling asleep any time soon...

NABLOPOMO!

Ohkay, so today I found it's National Blog Month.

So here are the links to me frantically catching up on another blog. Do ignore the fact that it's a TH forum. No relation to the blogging. Least not these posts. :D

Days 1-12

http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=878

Day 13

http://www.tokiohotelamerica.net/forum/blog.php?b=879

Day 14 coming up soon. Let me do it. :D


Oh, and try this afterwards:

www.googlism.com. Gotten some pretty funny things.

Drift

I got a lecture today.

I'm sad to say all of it was entirely true.

I'm also sad to say...that I don't know how long the momentary change will last.

And what I find worse, is that I see all of these things as inevitable.

Do I have no motivation at all?

It's true. Maybe I don't.

It's true, that I slack off a lot these days. That I spend more time playing around then focusing. If I ever focus....rather, I cram.

It's true I can't continue living this way.

It's true that my parents are not culprits or anything and they truly are trying to help me succeed.

It's true that 10 years from now, when I'm applying for a job.....they will look at my grades, and not at my face.

It's true that I have no goals, and that that is making me drift.....because I have nothing to anchor me down.

It's true that I'm not motivated...and unfocused, and therefore, don't have anything to discipline myself by.

It's true. It's all true.

It's also true that I don't know how to fix it, or if I do, I don't want to. Or don't think I can.

Does that mean it's also true that I have no faith in myself?

Yes. It's true.

It's true that in another hour, maybe less, I will give up...and go back to lazy me.

It's true that I love the feeling of being organized, perhaps because I encounter it so rarely....and that I don't actually work for it most of the time.

It's true that I'm failing myself.

It's true that I'm not trying to succeed.

It's all true.

It's also true that by tmrw, I'm not going to care.

It's true that not caring is just as well as denying myself the chance to succeed.

It's true that if I truly wanted to, I could fly thru these courses.

It's all true.

......But it's also true....that no matter how much I tell myself otherwise, I will still believe that I cannot change deep down inside.....and so I won't.

Perfection

It exists.
I don't know if everyone can find it or what, but it exists. I don't know how to define it but you can feel it when everything in the world feels right, like right now. Perhaps it's coming to terms with yourself and all, and then you feel like the world is perfect. At least in your little sphere. It isn't true. But the delusion is amazing.
*is making no sense*
But I have an excuse, I'm eating mnm's, just ate a deformed one actually, listening to Love Story for the 35th or so time in a row (it's on repeat), it's 1:35, I decided to try to put together every TH pic I can get my grasping paws on into chronological order and it's going to take me forever, I'm talking to someone I've never met in person about paper cranes, and I got my laptop unchained from the table. Life may not be everything I wish it was, but for now, it's good enough. *dances*
I think it's time for me to burst out into my happy, bubbly self now. *sticks out a tongue at last two paragraphs in Defect post*
-------------------------------------------------
I love love love love love love love love love love love love love.
And I like not crushing on anybody. Makes life so much simpler. *wondering why she didn't realize this earlier*.
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And now, because I'm listening to Love Story, we talk about Juliet. And Romeo.
No one kills themselves over love these days. How sad. Ruthlessly practical, we are becoming. Sad, sad, sad.
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I love my white coat. And sales. I also really want to get my hair cut. It's bugging me. And it needs a wash. *glares at hair*
*hummingbird clapping* I rhymed! Yayz!
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Dessert, mm. Swiss Roll and Apple Pie. I want more. It was yummiful.
There's a giant Swiss Roll in the fridge.
I can't eat it, sadly though.
It's for tomorrow.
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Last night, I went for an impromptu sleepover. One of my very very very good friends decided to drag me home from the indian gathering thing we were at.....
We fell asleep, rather, I fell asleep after only talking for about half an hour.
She's very cuddly. *likes her living teddy bear*
----------------------------------------------
One of my late night activities involves browsing indian wedding lenghas. *hides* I'm not shopping early or anything. Just admiring. *coughtotallynotimagingselfinthemcough*
Looky!

http://www.theheer.com/images/b001.jpg

Gorgeous. I want. Badly. And I love this cut. And the colors. Hey! If I can order it. I shall wear it in December. Christmas and all, you know? But ahhhhh. I waaaaaaaant. *whines*

*stares at price* Only 700 bucks....without shipping? *blink blink* Guess not this year, then. *sigh*
More!

http://www.theheer.com/images/b002.jpg

Weird. Pixelation got messed up. More!

http://www.theheer.com/images/b034.jpg

Call me a slut, or w/e. But I would love to wear this dress and carry it off. *looks at paleish skin* Not happening, sadly. But gah, me drool.

http://www.homeindia.com/Lehnga.aspx?PrdVarCode=GHSURP1501&Ctg2Id=134&Ctg3Id=1030

God. This one is sooo heavy, but wow. Me like.

On the other hand, here is an example of what I hate, overdone tackiness:

http://www.homeindia.com/Lehnga.aspx?PrdVarCode=GHSURP1518&Ctg2Id=134&Ctg3Id=1030

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*yawn* Love story is making me sleepy now. And yes, I have been listening to it for nearly 5 hours straight now.

*pausing to cough* Ouch. My throat hurts. No idea why, but it's been like this the whole day. I can't be sick! *panicks*

Meh. Going to go find lozenges and click post. Luffoo all, even if I don't know you, but w/e. Hehe.

Defect

Why? Why must I persist in thinking that people can read my mind, and automatically understand what I want or need? Why is it that I cannot pound the fact that it cannot happen into my head? I don't know why, but the strangest things piss me off. I've been known to scream in frustration when my toe hits the wall, almost as if screaming will make the wall apologize. Yet it won't happen. Like many other things are impossible.

I read somewhere once, that when you do not know what is impossible, you are able to achieve more. Before the Wright Brothers, flying was impossible. They achieved a way in which to fly. Does that mean, if I believe something is possible, I might be able to achieve it as well? Though the odds be against me?

I don't know. Maybe it's better not to know. Not to post limits on impossibility.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes. I feel like..... a nucleus in an atom. And everyone else is an electron, but in order to become a noble gas, electrons leave me. (using chemistry in writing, Mr. Mercer, aren't you proud of me? :D) So, these electrons may be whirling around me, and I may be attracting them, but I'm still so far away. In order to go to something else, and though it may be for my own good, people leave me. I've mentioned before. My biggest fear is being left behind, abandoned... This distance seems akin to that. And it scares me. I remember writing a poem last year. Being depressive.
It was about floating away on a hot air balloon that got loose, and this frayed rope....reaching to the ground, hoping someone would hold it and keep me from flying away. But, no one looked up. No one held it. They just watched me float away. I thought of that frayed rope as my way of reaching out. Frayed because I've tried so many times, yet it doesn't seem to have worked.
I wonder if it's true?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night, I heard something about myself that shocked me.

I've changed. I've grown up. Too fast. Lost that "innocence". Become....someone that can be placed in stereotypes. Apparently, before this summer, I used to be a happy, bubbly, yet depressive sometimes, flowy clothes wearing, emoting Indianness, type of person. I wasn't preppy. I wasn't nerdy. I wasn't punk. I wasn't anything. I was me.
Now I wonder, am I still me? Has growing up changed me so much, that I've lost myself somewhere along the way? Is there a me? Or does me change as time passes. Does me evolve?
Do I want to go back to that me? So many questions. Who will answer?

*is dead nau*

Oh my god. I'm speechless. Ohkay, even if you're not a Tokio Hotel fan, you have to see the grinding. And the complete and utter akejraewrj of it.

GIFs below, if the video is too much.











Ya, I know they're repeated. Entirely on purpose. :D


Video is here:

Quizzes! I love quizzes.

Ohkayz, this is the product of pure boredom and refusal to do anything useful.
Voila:
[x] Full Name: Anusha (also known as Rani, NuNu, Nush, Coconut, Barbie Doll *rawr*, and that crazy Tokio Hotel obssessed girl)
[x] Birthdate: 10-10-1994
[x] Birthplace: Munich, Germany
[x] Current Location: Redmond, WA
[x] Eye Color: Brown. Mocha/chocolate colored, or so I would like to think.
[x] Hair Color: Black with hints of dark brown or red in the sun.
[x] Righty or Lefty: Right
[x] Zodiac Sign: Libra
[x] Innie or Outtie: Neither. And both.
-----------------DESCRIBE------------------
[x] The Clothes you wore today: Jeans, brown hoodie with crowns all over it, and a gold camisole underneath.
[x] The shoes you wore today: Brown Ballet Flats
[x]Your fears: Someday, I will be abandoned. Or left behind. I need the companionship of others, so to be left alone completely forever.....no.
-----------------WHAT IS------------------
[x] Your most overused phrase: Oh mein gott. Oh dear. Oh my. Hai. Ahhhh.
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: "Good night." or "Shit. I'm not done with ___"
[x] The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Eyes/Hair
[x] Your best physical feature: My eyes.
[x] Your bedtime: 1-2 am
[x] Your most missed memory: Living in London
-----------------YOU PREFER------------------
[x] Pepsi or coke: Neither. Apple Cider.
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: McD. But only for the pies.
[x] Single or group dates: Single
[x] Adidas or Nike: Nike
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla. Chocolate ice cream is gross and does not at all taste like chocolate, so ewwwww.
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: Ew. Coffee. *hates coffee with a passion*
-------------DO YOU------------------
[x] Smoke: No.
[x] Cuss: Oops.
[x] take a shower everyday: Sometimes twice
[x] Have a crush(es): yes and no. I'm not sure.
[x] Do you think you've been in love?: Is this love? I don't think it can be.
[x] Want to go to college: Yup. NYU bb.
[x] Like high school: For now. Probably not by the end of this quarter.
[x] Want to get married: Yes. Yes. Yes. But who would marry me? *woe*
[x] type fingers on the right keys?: Uhuh. How else could I type fast enough to communicate with everyone at once on IM? Or to finish a paper I procrastinated?
[x] Believe in yourself: When I do, it's to the point of conceitedness.
[x] Get motion sickness: Nope, unless the room is spinning against my will.
[x] Think you're attractive: Sometimes. (hint hint: leads to conceitedness)
[x] Think you're a health freak: Not at all.
[x] Get along with your parents: Part of the time.
[x] Like thunderstorms: Oh, yeah.
[x] Play an instrument: Playing piano. Used to play flute, till I dropped out for want of more sleep.
------------IN THE PAST MONTH DID:/:HAVE YOU--------------
[x] Go to the mall: Yep
[x] Eaten sushi: Yes. Today. Yum.
[x] Been on stage: no
[x] Had sex: You want the truth or a lie?
[x] Been dumped: Well, there has to be someone to be dumped by.
[x] Dumped someone: Or someone to dump.
[x] Masturbated: You don't need to know the answer to this one.
[x] Gone skating: No. I wish I had.
[x] Made homemade cookies: Yep
[x] Dyed your hair: Uhuh. Need to hide these gray hairs somehow. Hehe, nope. Not allowed. I wish though.
[x] Stolen anything: This month? Nein.
-------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
[x] Flown on a plane: Duh. Moving around from continent to continent requires a plane.
[x] Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: Too shy.
[x] Cried during a Movie? (what movies?): Yes. I can't say. I'll start crying again.
[x] Cried during a song? (what songs?): Yes.
[x] Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No, I don't drink at all. *waves from minor corner*
[x] Been caught mastrubating?: This would require me to masturbate.
[x] Gotten beaten up?: Not yet.
[x] Been in a fight: Not really
----------------THE FUTURE------------------
[x] Age you hope to be married: get married around 24, be married for sure by 27.
[x] Number of Children: 2. Twins, please.
[x] Descibe your Dream Wedding: Las Vegas. Big. Flashy, but not gaudy. Indian? Maybe. (mum has already started planning food)
[x] How do you want to die?: Overdosed on Heroin at the age of 83. (First time, of course.) Or after sex. (this was the last person's answer, and I'm keeping it)
[x] What do you want to do as a career: Manage a band. Get paid for enjoying myself doing nothing. Act. Sing.
[x] What country would you most like to visit?: Deustchland! Or... I really really wanna go to Antarctica.
-----------------OPPOSITE SEX------------------
[x] Best eye color: Any.
[x] Best hair color: I tend to lean towards black, but any.
[x] Short or long hair: Don't care. Not a buzz though.
[x] Best height: Taller than me. By 4 inches or so.
[x] Best weight: Don't care.
[x] Best date location: N/A *date virgin, sadly*
[x] Best kiss location: On a person? - Right below the collarbone
-----------------NUMBER OF-----------------
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: None
[x] Number of CDs that I own: Too few.
[x] Number of piercings: Two. I want a tounge piercing as well.
[x] Number of tattoos: 0, but hopefully one by the time I'm 20.
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I wouldn't know. I don't read it. None? *sad* I need to do something to gain attention! *is an attentionwhore*
[x] Number of scars on my body: Not as many as on my heart.
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: Tons
----------------RIGHT NOW------------------
[x] Wearing: Same thing I said earlier
[x] Drinking: Nothing. Have I mentioned I detest milk?
[x] Thinking about: Life. And how pathetic it is.
[x] Listening to: My typing. A bird outside that won't shut up. Murmuring from downstairs.
---------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------
[x] Cried: Nope.
[x] Worn jeans: Yes
[x] Met someone new online: Yes
[x] Done laundry: No.
[x] Drove a car: No.
[x] Talked on the phone: Much.
---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN--------------
[x] Yourself: Haven't I answered this one? I'm not sure.
[x] Your friends: No. Not really. My doubts taking over again.
[x] Santa Claus: I only wish.
[x] Destiny/Fate: It's comforting.
[x] God: Yes. Sometimes no.
--------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
[x] Do you ever wish you had another name?: Sometimes
[x] Who have you known the longest of your friends?: Friends from Atlanta.
[x] Are you close to any family member?: Kind of
[x] When have you cried the most?: When I wanted to die.
[x] What's the best feeling in the world?: That glowing feeling you get when you know people love you and like you, and you feel on top of the world, as cheesy as it sounds. I've had friends tell me I'm physically glowing when that happens. (Last person's answer was "Uhm, I don't want to get graphic.")
[x] Worst Feeling?: Knowing that I disappointed somebody.
[x] What time is it now?: 9:30 pm.

Done. You know way too much bout me now.

*Faint*

The first thing I noticed about that picture, was not, sadly, that Bill was down on his knees, staring with a come hither look off into the distance, but that his legs were at a weird angle. That makes me think he's freaky flexible. Which leads to dirty thoughts. That eventually lead back to Bill on his knees with a come hither look.

Billi makes me loopy.

Ich Bin Crazy.

I'm following my own blog. There has got to be something majorly wrong with that logic.

I want orange juice. And I'm feeling depressive again. Rawr.

Sometimes, I wonder....if life is worth living....

*is not contemplating suicide, so, if you were worried, like you should have been, no need to be, but if you were not, then run*

इम्प्रोम्प्तु पुप्पेट डांस (I have no idea wtf I just typed, even though I'm supposed to be able to read Hindi *fryingpan*)

That was sooo cool. It like changed everything I said to hindi script. I'm using this for my hindi hw after this. Anyways.....now that I've figured out, yes, I'm a genius, how to change it back to Roman script, let's get on with the show.

------------- curtain opens and music begins and all ----------

First thing, description of my day, cuz it's sooo totally important.

I woke up this morning, dead. Hey, I'd been sleeping for like 15 hours, it was allowed. Went to math. Wrote an essay, and made my hand hurt in History. *woe* No idea wtf we did in LA, I have majorly short term memory. Oh, wait, I knowz. We went to the library. And when I found out that I was going to be the Spartan woman for our skit, and read only the part where it said Spartan women ran around naked in google search......I burst out with, " I'm not running around naked for the class!". So ya. Poor you.

Uhm, sat and listened in Chem. Realized I've lost my Periodic Table, which, shit, reminds me, I need to go print those out.

Lunch. Oh, what I have to say about lunch.
I totally love how we're all dividing ourselves up into cliques. *Not*
I have something against cliques, sorry. I like to be able to float between them all.
Anyways, somehow in a month, I've managed to use up 18 dollars, just buying cookies, and lunch....like 3 times. *fryingpans self*
I passed by that girl, that was wearing a TH shirt yesterday, several times, showcasing my TH shirt. I should have said something yesterday. Now I feel like a stalker.
I had cookies again today, now I officially hate them. Wrong kinda chocolate.

5th period was retarded. I used an irregular verb, because I couldn't think of a regular -er verb, and I conjugated the irregular correctly. Me suck. I can't believe I couldn't think comer.

6th was boring. We sat there. And I'm getting fucking sick of those songs. Cum Sancto Spiritu was fun though. I love new pieces. That are not rounds. Rawr.

7th! Hehe, I decided to wear my TH shirt in Gym, just cuz I love it sooo much.
And we did yoga. Have I mentioned I used to do yoga every single morning....then I stopped? Anyways, so it was easy, but lifting up my leg behind me in "downward dog" was soo awkward, as I was unsure, whether people could see up my shorts. I have weird thoughts.

After school, went to tutorial, and I was browsing the small teeny tiny section of fiction they have at the IHS library, and I found a book, that was quite interesting. Here's the quoted summary....Shit, the book is not in my room. One sec. *disappears*.
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*appears* BACK! You better have missed me.


Ohkay, so quoting from the back of the book, and yes, I did check this book out, simply for the laughs. And because I want to see what happens. And sadly, this made me laugh so hard, I ended up crying. Is it mean, that I want to read it to see if the main character dies?

"When Rohan became the new prince of the Desert, ruler of the kingdom granted his family for as long as the Long Sands spewed fire, he took the crown with two goals in mind. Fist and foremost, he sought to bring permanent pecae to his world of divided princedomes, realms hovering always on the brink of war. And, in a land where dragon-slaying was a proof of manhood, Rohan was the sole champion of the dragons, fighting desperately to preserve the last remaining lords of the sky and with them a secret which might be the salvation of his people.....
Sioned, who was fated by Fire to be Rohan's bride, had mastered the magic of sunlight and moonglow, catching hints of a yet to be formed pattern which could irrecovably affect the destinies of Sunrunners and oridinary mortals alike. Yet caught in the machinations of the Lady of Goddess Keepp, and of Prince Rohan and his sworn enermy, the treacherously cunning High Prince, could Sioned alter this cruical pattern to protect her lord from the menace of a war that threatened to set the land ablaze?"

So....someone tell me, who's Sioned? *evil*


Hehe, and I came home.....read the book for a while, simply cuz I read fantasy a lot, but haven't been doing so since school started and it was pissing me off, cuz I missed reading it instead of realistic fiction, no matter how much I love reading about dramatic rape cases that make my head spin......(will introduce this book later). But now I feel sorry, for Rohan...the book one. *Does not want book one to die*

Ohhh, then I went to dance class.
And I was....amazing. *this never happens*
I danced well! Like wow, I didn't know I could dance so well!
And, during the expression part, apparently, I got the mesmerized by a guy part perfect. Finally. Makes you wonder what exactly I was thinking about at that moment, that made it work? :D


So yes, now I'm at home, chatting with friends about butts, someone and their ahem, fryingpanning friends for being overly perverted.
Example:
Them: "It's hotter if Tom's hands are holding the guitar."
Me: "Even better if he's humping it?"
Them: " He should be humping me."
Oh dear. Anyways, let's go back to innocent virginal me.


Now that you've been through my day, and I'm surprised if you've lasted this far, because I've been typing for over an hour, though, I've been interrupted tons... *glares*


Thoughts time:
Mitch knows bout this one.
Is it kidnapping if one knows about it beforehand and is not entirely reluctant? Example would be, me being abducted from somewhere and being dragged off to homecoming? Puzzling.

Why is it that Sappho's poetry was considered so amazing, that she was on scale with Homer? Here's an example. Translated, but still.....
"Although they are
only breath, words
which I command
are immortal "
- Sappho
So yes, wow. I'm totally amazed. *rolls eyes*

I'm listening to NeverShoutNever atm, Lovers Love, Liars Lie is playing......I like the tune.
Sorriez, Zingy, MCR cd still has not graced my ears with it's golden notes.


Oh, I was pissed at Tokio Hotel's management today. But it seems minor now. Just me getting mad about them scheduling yet another thing in Cali, just a signing, but they're going out of their way to do a signing in an area where they've had 5 concerts at least total, and who knows how many signings already, 3 of those concerts and most of those signings being just two months ago.
*shutting up now* I already screamed about it.


Oh shit. It just hit me, that if they're going to have a signing in Phoenix this Saturday, they must either already be here, or already packing....

It's a totally different feeling to realize that they're in the same timezone as you, when you're used to staying up till 5 am to get news of their concerts, live.
Ahhhh, topic change, but I'm so freaking excited about Super Wednesday. I love having no school, but still socializing there. I'm weird that way.


Almost done, I promise, this is getting wayy too long. But I was wondering if one could become anorexic without realizing it. I've been eating less and less, without realizing it...and it took getting nauseous yesterday, and Zingy joking about telling my parents I'm anorexic to realize how much less I've been eating. So yes, ate a lot more today. Ohkayz, done now.


Luffoo all, simply for getting thru that, I don't think I could have done it.

Hai

Theme:
You may ask why the theme of this blog is so puppet-like?

One of the reasons is that I have this concept of each and every one of us being a marionette, bound to the strings of destiny, dancing on the stage of life, eternally. Whoa. That was deep. And the second reason is just cuz it sounds cool. Ish. And I just sounded like Fiorillo. *hides*

Purpose of this blog?
Place to rant. To talk. A way to pass time when boredom kicks in (often).

I have many other blogs too. And I've always abandoned them after the first three four posts.

I shall attempt not to do that with this one. Let's hope it works.

Things to be warned about:
I have a bit of a "Me" complex, which makes sense, cuz I know myself best, but it gets annoying after a certain point, so when that happens, I tend to be more than slightly narcissistic. Going, "I think...." "I was wondering" "I wish...." and so on.

I talk about Tokio Hotel a lot. They're my latest phase/obsession and the longest one to date since 5th grade. I know too much about them, but I love them atm, and that's all that matters. They're kinda...half my life. The other half is the part I live in. And there's a little bit, outside of those halves, (impossible theoretically, I know), that is my id. You know, the part of you, according to psychology, where all your base instincts, and stuff comes from? Well, I like to think of it more, as the part of me that's the same as everyone else. Somewhat like a shared conscience. Oh dear, this is getting offtopic, but that reminds me of something else to warn about.

I say certain phrases way too much. For example:

"Oh Dear"

"Hmm."

"Haha"

"Meh"

"Bleh"

and so on. They evolve over time into other phrases of course, but yes.


Last thing to be warned about. I think I'm a bit bi-polar. But, if I start sounding depressed, half of that is probably that I'm lonely and want some attention or that I've had a horrible day. I will tend to be either extremely bubbly, and overflowing, which will lead to....interesting posts, or I shall be somewhat academic sounding, like this.

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And, now, my intro post ends.

*end*